Identity is a protective trap we all fall into. By defining what we are, and what we are not, we simplify the world. We hide the nuance of everyday life behind all these convenient labels and judgements. But have we somehow lost ourselves in all of this? Are we more than this basket of labels we carry around with us? Can we change?
The Basket of Labels
This concept comes from philosopher Ekart Tolle, but we feel it best explains what most people call “the weight of the world”. A newborn child represents total possibility, all paths are open, they could truly do and be anything. Then right away they get slapped with labels.
Are they a boy or a girl? The first label, it seems so innocent and simple and yet this one in particular is a source of extreme pain and anxiety for many people. The label “Boy” sets the child on a path. Boys like the color blue, they play sports, boys are rational not emotional. This one label encapsulates decades of social conditioning and you will carry it with you for your entire life.
That’s just the first one though, and they didn’t even get a choice with that one! As they grow up they will accumulate more and more labels in their basket. They like to eat bananas, enjoy riding a bike, don’t like playing musical instruments. Each label both defines the person, and also cuts them off from some part of the human condition.
The more labels get put into the basket the heavier it gets. What labels are you carrying around with you? Are they really what you are? So then… why do we do it?
Simplicity is the answer. This world is too complicated to really approach every person and every situation with mindfulness and care. So we use labels to speed all that up.
They can be very useful tools, too. For example it’s really difficult to get your soldiers to attack a bunch of regular people just trying to live their lives – but if they are instead a group of evil Nazis, well now it’s easy to kill them all, right?
Who are You?
Maybe a better question would be “What are you?” When asked this question we’ll typically start pulling labels out of our basket to show the other person. Our name, where we were born, what we do for a living, maybe some of our hobbies or interests. If you take any of those things though, are they what you are?
When we were growing up, we were deathly afraid of eating any type of mushroom, even on pizza. We had read that some were poisonous, so logically that meant any could be poisonous, so we must never eat that. As we got older we learned to love eating mushrooms, and not just the magical kind. We even had mushroom ravioli for our birthday dinner this year – an idea our younger self would have rejected 1000 times over.
That label, “Doesn’t like Mushrooms”, was something we carried around with us for years and years. We’d always ask if a dish had mushroom in it. If we needed to say what our least favorite food was, it was always mushrooms. This made things easy, we didn’t even have to consider the category of fungi when thinking about what we want to eat.
It was easy, and it simplified our life, but it wasn’t true. Think for a minute about all the labels you use. Which ones are still true, and which are just leftover from an earlier you?
The Illusion of Continuity
The lesson of the “doesn’t like mushrooms” label is a very important one to think about. There is more to it then just a kid liking or not liking a particular food. This label shows both sides of the equation, the protection and the trap.
It’s a protective label. We really thought we would be poisoned if we ate mushrooms. Never eating any mushroom was a way to insulate ourselves from that perceived danger. These labels can be protective, or at least we can convince ourselves that they are.
And there is the trap. Our ego loves these labels, it wraps itself up in them like a warm blanket. The greatest trick ever played on humans was convincing them that they are the labels. We are a person who doesn’t like eating mushrooms, that’s how we were born and that’s how we’re gonna die.
These labels, our identity, this is what tricks us into thinking we are a individual, constant in time yet separate from all the other individuals. They let us identify with our past and future selfs, to believe that we are those people.
This illusion of continuity is what makes it so easy to keep gathering labels throughout our lives while also making it next to impossible to get rid of them. If you’ve believed something since you were a child, why stop now? What would our friends think of us if we showed up to dinner with a mushroom pizza…? No, no… best to just stick to what we know.
You Wanna Get Nuts?
Time to take the kid gloves off with this one. While the “Doesn’t like Mushrooms” label has served us well so far, we need something deeper and more difficult to really understand what’s going on here.
Let’s talk about a different group of labels – we’re never quite sure how to define this group – maybe trauma labels? There are so many to pick from: depression, drug addiction, being a republican – but we want to talk about a truly controversial one, being an alcoholic. Time to get those pitchforks out.
This is one of those really weird labels that can come to totally define a person, and we mean totally. So many people start drinking and then come to the conclusion that they are an alcoholic. Well, if you are an alcoholic, what do you do? You drink alcohol, that’s what an alcoholic does.
Consider the 12 step programs we use to “treat” this condition – what is step 1? You have to publicly label yourself. You’re an alcoholic, and you’re powerless over alcohol. So now you’ve taken a lifetime of labels, and reduced them to just one thing.
And what happens next? If you succeed in the program, you are no longer an alcoholic, but you will be in recovery for the rest of your life. You’ve taken one label out of your basket and replaced it with another one. Maybe that new one is less dangerous, who knows, you certainly don’t.
When we identify with a trauma label, we reinforce that trauma. We give the ego the power it needs to enslave us under that label. Any attempts to break free will be met with hours of self talk until we’re just drinking again. Or whatever it is you think defines you.
Permission to Change
If we’ve done our job correctly you now understand that identity can be reduced to a series of labels accumulated as you live in the world. You also understand that these labels can become a prison, a trap our ego uses to control us and keep us believing that we are a continuous singular being – separate from everyone else.
We hope you’ve also begun to realize that you don’t have to keep carrying them around. You can of course, – some are helpful, some you just aren’t ready to let go of yet, that’s ok!
On the other hand, if one of those labels doesn’t feel right anymore, you can let it go. Maybe you changed, or maybe the thing the label defined changed, either way you have our permission to get rid of it.
This is much harder than we’re making it sound. There is a reason that entire industries exist around labels like “alcoholic” or “overweight”. Our society revolves around this concept. Everything and everyone you know is going to resist attempts at change.
So how do you do it? One step at a time, and the smallest possible steps are best. Change just one thing – one tiny thing in the direction that takes you away from the label you no longer want. Once that change takes, make another, and another until you are free. If you did it right, nobody is even going to notice.
If you aren’t ready to do that with something big like depression or alcoholism – try something smaller. Is blue really your favorite color? Why not go look outside and pick a new one, we hear purple is quite popular these days. Start small, and practice changing things, learn how to do it.
This works for the big labels and also for the little ones. Anything you want to change, you can! Not only are you allowed, but you are 100% in control of it the entire time. Anything else is just part of the illusion that got you here in the first place.
Constant Reincarnation
That pretty much wraps up today’s lesson, the idea of constant reincarnation. You don’t have to wait until you die to become a new person. In fact, you are constantly changing all the time. The job of ego is to make you forget about that by slapping the same tired labels onto each new version of yourself.
Well you can stop doing that. It’s ok, you have our permission to change.
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